One of the reasons Twilight was so hated initially was because preteen and teenage girls liked it. It was incredibly racist and depicted extremely unhealthy and abusive relationships. But that’s not why grown men made fun of young girls for liking it. They never looked or cared enough to read into why it was so harmful, they just excused it as something dumb because of the target demographic. Twilight’s message was actual terrible and misogyny paints girls’ interests as something to be made fun of are both true statements. Things are allowed to exist as a duality.
You have proof that the universe is a computer simulation. Instead of telling the world about your discovery, you exploit bugs in the simulation to teleport and clone yourself.
Oh, no, cloning yourself is NEVER a good idea. There are a number of books, movies, comic books etc that explore all the ways THAT can go wrong.
Better ideas:
- Enable ‘healing aura’ on yourself and make a fortune as a faith healer adhering to some really random deity.
- Edit a lot of wild new hair and eye colours into the human genome and watch the world get more colourful.
- Use teleport to break into a ton of museums, vaults etc. Don’t steal anything, just take pictures of a toy penguin in situ and run the most bafflingly thrilling Instagram ever.
- Figure out how to edit other people, then take the genitalia of the very rich hostage until they give all their money to a) the poor, b) you, c) environmental conservation or d) all of the above.
- Revive extinct species in really unlikely places just to watch the scientists flip their shit.
- Give yourself telekinesis and just go wild with it.
- Use ‘teleport’ and ‘glow’ to convince people you are an angelic visitor and give them a stern talking to.
- Create an ‘infinite coffee’ exploit and drive Starbucks into the ground.
- Be the best stage magician who has ever lived.
@elidyce if I ever find out how to exploit the bugs in the simulation, you’d be the only person I would tell just so I can watch your creative genius evolve
no, but hear me out
you can talk to animals. you can hack other people to talk to animals.
You have proof that the universe is a computer simulation. Instead of telling the world about your discovery, you exploit bugs in the simulation to teleport and clone yourself.
Oh, no, cloning yourself is NEVER a good idea. There are a number of books, movies, comic books etc that explore all the ways THAT can go wrong.
Better ideas:
- Enable ‘healing aura’ on yourself and make a fortune as a faith healer adhering to some really random deity.
- Edit a lot of wild new hair and eye colours into the human genome and watch the world get more colourful.
- Use teleport to break into a ton of museums, vaults etc. Don’t steal anything, just take pictures of a toy penguin in situ and run the most bafflingly thrilling Instagram ever.
- Figure out how to edit other people, then take the genitalia of the very rich hostage until they give all their money to a) the poor, b) you, c) environmental conservation or d) all of the above.
- Revive extinct species in really unlikely places just to watch the scientists flip their shit.
- Give yourself telekinesis and just go wild with it.
- Use ‘teleport’ and ‘glow’ to convince people you are an angelic visitor and give them a stern talking to.
- Create an ‘infinite coffee’ exploit and drive Starbucks into the ground.
- Be the best stage magician who has ever lived.
@elidyce if I ever find out how to exploit the bugs in the simulation, you’d be the only person I would tell just so I can watch your creative genius evolve
no, but hear me out
you can talk to animals. you can hack other people to talk to animals.
When my cousin Olivia was three, she started preschool and became best friends with a boy named Abraham. Most people called him Abe, even then, because Abraham is a mouthful for a three year old and, to most people, it’s the logical nickname.
Not, however, according to Olivia, who decided to nickname him Ham.
No one’s really sure whether she wasn’t totally listening when he was introduced and only caught the last part of his name, or if she decided Abe was too boring a nickname, or maybe she was just hungry, but the nickname has stuck for the last twenty years. Of course, Olivia was and still is the only person to use it.
When they were seven or eight, he decided to get back at her by calling her Olive. That nickname stuck, too, and they’ve been Olive and Ham since. But only to each other. They get highly offended if anyone else calls them that.
Last night was their seventh anniversary, and Abe proposed to Olivia, and she said yes. And how did she announce it on Facebook, you may ask?
People used to tell me “If you like ham so much, why don’t you just marry it?” So I am.
Shout out to Olive and Ham, who are still engaged and adorable and who are planning on getting married sometime next summer
